Writing critisism.

I have something very important to ask is there anything I need to do better on my writing? I want to make sure that yall understand what Im writing I feel like Im doing something wrong that I need to work on but I dont know what! I really appreciate any help! Thank you! I know I can count on you girls to help!

Well... it's proper grammar to keep dialog separated. You haven't really been doing that.

Instead of this:
"Hello, I'm Allishmalli. What's your name?" Allishmalli asked. "My name is Rex'sgirl," Rex'sgirl replied. "It's very nice to meet you," Allishmalli said.

Try this:
"Hello, I'm Allishmalli. What's your name?" Allishmalli asked.
"My name is Rex'sgirl," Rex'sgirl replied.
"It's very nice to meet you," Allishmalli said.

It's better to do that because then all the dialog isn't jumbled up and it's easier to read.

Ok that is easier! Thanks for the example that makes it easier for me!

I agree! I can only pretty much think of that.....your writing is pretty good! Very good in fact!

I'd say maybe some spelling...like if you aren't sure on a word, double check in spellcheck or a dictionary. I've caught one or two typos in your stories sometimes. I do that too. I've been using spell check a lot!

Thanks Jedi~Chick! I'll start doing that!

Okay! You're welcome! Sorry if I sounded rude-ish...... I'm just trying to help!

I need to practice with my criticism because I'm looking into being an Editor someday.....like for books or a magazine or something.
I'm editing two people's fanfictions and my cousin's book (it needs help). So I'm trying to learn to give my ideas and my criticism without being pushy or mean. I hope I learn how!

Nah you weren't rude! Im happy to know what I'm doing wrong! Im asking because my mom told me to write some story examples so we could send it to a publisher and get a book that I write published!

I didn't think you were rude. I thought my comment came off more rude than yours.

You weren't rude Allishmalli!

Haha, no Allishmalli, you were good.

Rex'sgirl you seriously should think about that! If you need an editor....I'm available! xD I'd like to be an editor someday. I like helping people with their work, and I'm naturally good at spelling and grammar. So I think it'd be a good job for me....

Im good at spelling but Im bad at grammer!