This is my first attempt at a humour fic, so please bare with me...
Cato Neimoidia Doesn't Count
Ahsoka Tano massaged her head in exasperation. She was attempting to crack a code on a separatist file that they had confiscated from a base in the Outer Rim, but the raised voices from the living area were making it extremely hard to concentrate. She had been attempting to drown out Anakin and Obi-Wan's argument for at least a half hour, to no avail. It wouldn't have been so bad if they were at least talking about important things, but this... this was crazy.
“For the last time Anakin... it doesn't count.”
“I believe it does, my old Master. You were in trouble and I saved you. Therefore, it does count.”
“I was not in my right mind and I assure you that if I had been, I would not have needed saving in the first place.”
“So you're admitting to being crazy?”
“What? No- Anakin!”
And on it went, back and forth and back and forth. Ahsoka was attempting to release her anger into the Force, but it wasn't working. Did it even matter if it counted or not? After all, the battle of Cato Neimoidia was long over- Ahsoka had practically forgotten about it. Apparently it mattered to Anakin and Obi-Wan, but if they couldn't at least keep it down, somebody was going to find themselves on the receiving end of a Force push.
She would have loved nothing more than to go crack the code somewhere peaceful, like the library, but unfortunately, in order to get to the door she would have to go into the living area and she had no desire to be drawn into the argument.
Ahsoka began rhythmically banging her head on the table in a desperate attempt to down out the noise. It was working, but then she realized it had gotten a little too quiet.
“Snips!” Anakin called. “Are you alright?”
No, Ahsoka thought sarcastically, I'm being driven insane by your senseless bantering. Move along. Out loud she said, “Does it really matter if Cato Neimoidia counts or not? Can't you both just forget about it and let me crack this code in peace?”
There was a shuffling noise from the living area, then the door slid open to reveal two embarrassed Jedi.
“My apologies, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan said. “But I'm sure you know by now that Anakin does not fight fair. I was only attempting to reason with him.”
“Master Obi-Wan, I'm not even sure Master Skywalker knows what the word “reason” means. You're fighting a losing battle.”
“Hey!” Anakin said indignantly. “If we're pointing out faults here, let me remind you that Obi-Wan obviously has a tendency to cheat. He can't use those spores as an excuse! That's not fair!”
He looked so much like a child that had been told that he couldn't have the latest action figure that Ahsoka had to suppress a snicker.
“Anakin, spores or not, that whole mess was your fault,” Obi-Wan said patiently. “I don't think it should count because I never would have been in that situation if it weren't for you.”
Anakin paused. “Well... I still had to save you!”
They glared at each other, then turned to Ahsoka and said, “What do you think?”
Ahsoka held up her hands. “No. I am not getting involved in this. You are both old enough to sort out your problems without my help.”
Both men looked insulted by the fact that they had been told off by a Padawan.
Well, they had it coming to them, Ahsoka thought.
“I might be willing to let this go if you will at least say it counts,” Anakin said causally.
“Anakin...” Obi-Wan spoke as if talking to a dim-witted child. “Be sensible, please. If I had counted all the times I saved your life even though you did something rash or reckless... well, I'd have lost count. But the point is, I didn't count those, so the right thing to do would be to let the whole incident go.”
Anakin looked thoughtful. Then an evil grin spread over his face. “Obi-Wan, I seem to remember that you... invented a new lightsaber form while under the influence of the spores.”
Ahsoka straightened. This was a part of the story she hadn't heard before. “What do you mean, Master?”
“Anakin, don't you dare...” Obi-Wan trailed off as Anakin shot him a triumphant look that clearly read “it's payback time.”
“Snips, you should have been there,” Anakin began eagerly. “The spores are the equivalent of several drinks and they make you very unsteady on your feet. Imagine a drunk man fighting fifty droids while trying to remain upright...” Anakin held up an invisible lightsaber and did a stupid sort of twirl in the air, pretending to fight off droids. Ahsoka stifled her laughter at the thought of the distinguished Jedi Master stumbling all over the battlefield.
Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. “Are you happy now?”
“Yes, very,” Anakin grinned. “But you know what would be even better? Telling everyone else exactly what happened on Cato Neimoidia.”
Obi-Wan's eyes widened. “You wouldn't.”
“I would... unless you yield and let me count Cato Neimoidia.”
“I never thought you would sink as low as blackmail, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, looking bitter. Anakin simply raised an eyebrow.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “Don't you think you're taking this a little too seriously?” she asked.
Both Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at her like she was crazy. “No,” they answered together, then turned away.
Obi-Wan gave a long-suffering sigh. “Anakin, I will agree to your terms on one condition.”
Her Master looked smug. “And what is that?” Ahsoka looked from the Jedi Master to the confident Knight, getting the feeling that her Master was going to loose this verbal match.
“That I am allowed to tell Mace Windu why the Younglings think his hair ran away from him.”
Anakin paled. “Master, if you do, I will shave off your beard in your sleep!”
The Jedi Master's hand flew to his chin and he narrowed his eyes at Anakin. He opened his mouth, probably to threaten Anakin with decapitation if he tried, but Ahsoka had had enough. She leaped to her feet.
“And if you two don't stop fighting, I will inform the entire population of Coruscant that the famed Hero-With-No-Fear and the Negotiator were arguing like Younglings!”
Both Jedi froze. They looked at Ahsoka with shocked expressions, but the Padawan wasn't finished yet.
“Master Kenobi has a point. The spores affected his mind and made him do things he normally wouldn't have done. But you can't blame Master Skywalker for the spores getting released into the air. That wasn't his fault and could have happened on any mission. Shouldn't you both be grateful you're still alive to argue about this?”
Ahsoka picked up her datapad, then strode out, muttering “honestly, you'd think this was a life or death situation. Men...”
Anakin blinked, argument forgotten. He wondered when exactly his Padawan had started channelling Obi-Wan.
“Master, are you sure we shouldn't be calling her the Negotiator? I think she just blew you out of the water.”
“Anakin?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
Well? What did you think? Was it good? Boring? Awful?
Subject: Cato Neimoidia Doesn't Count 
Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:47 pm
I loved it!!!!
